Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
