If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
