we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
