Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
