Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
