the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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