Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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