see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
