u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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