It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im holly from the hills drunk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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