now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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