That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
