When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
