I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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