Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
