Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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