i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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