he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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