the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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