the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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