hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
