The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
