i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
