if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
