I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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