Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
