my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
