So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
