Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
