Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
