Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
