Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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