It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
