omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
