tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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