Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just google imaged poop.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
