Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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