Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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