The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
