I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
