my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
