It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
