Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
