you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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