yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
