Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just cut my nipple shaving
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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