The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
