I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
