Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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