This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
