ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
