If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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