Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
